Birds, bees and what lies in between

Unlike many fellow survivors of allegedly enlightened 1970's childhoods, I did not get a nighttime visit from my mom to learn about the birds and the bees. I found out about sex from a black-and-white doctor's hygiene pamphlet ... with illustrations that resembled something best observed from beneath a microscope.

So when our son began asking questions about where babies come from, I made sure from an early age that I told him truthfully all he needed to know, in simplest terms, to walk away satisfied. That strategy served me well for years, until this year ... 2015 ... the year of the elephant (in the room).

It has become evident that Owen has become extremely curious about the differences between boys and girls. Stupidly, I somehow assumed I would have more warning, like they'd send home a notice from school in a few years that "it's time for THE talk, parents!" I don't know if this recent curiosity coincides with his new bus-riding routine, but it matters not from whence it comes. It's here now.

I've recently endured many a probing question and an unfortunate incident when Owen pantsed a lingerie mannequin at JC Penney to find out what lies beneath. That's why Chris and I have agreed that this is the week for the initial true and real sex talk, and we've both begun to craft our talking points. One thing is clear at the get-go: the kid wants the truth, and he wants visual aids.

Where do you start, besides the obvious? It's an overwhelming thought, and you only get one chance to do it right. You consider that how you reveal this great mystery to your child could shape his worldview for the rest of his life. Few moments are so clearly defined and recognized as this. I don't want to bore him with clinical talk or fool him with vanilla-coated allegories, nor do I want to pull him too fast and hard into the realm of adulthood, for once that seal is broken, it cannot be pasted back over his eyes.

I want to ensure he understands the importance of love, trust and respect. Chris wants to make sure he doesn't go out and educate his entire class with new-found knowledge. I agree. None of us want to be the parents that get that phone call from the teacher because their kid is interjecting the word 'genitals' into the second-grade lexicon.

Unfortunately, we live in a time when our children's innocence has become progressively fleet. Gone are the carefree days when sexuality didn't really become an issue for young ones until they were on the cusp of that wondrous change. Now, if parents want to control the conversation for their child, they have to initiate it far sooner than Nature, or other strangers will.

Chris thinks Renaissance paintings will provide a positive visual aid for Owen. I think I'm okay with that, especially when I consider the alternatives for enlightenment. And I'm willing to risk a lifelong obsession with scarves and grape leaves to provide him a lovely first look. More to come.